The work from home arrangement reduces instances of personal interactions, which then reduces the chance to establish a cordial relationship. Professionally, such relationships are not necessary. But for you to strive in the workplace for a long time, you must secure your support systems. They help you brave difficult circumstances and calm you down on tense situations. They show different perspectives or give you differing opinions, which then enlightens you and eventually alters your course away from insubordination.
Social contact is a factor
Technology is available to reach out to those support systems, but it doesn’t work for me. I couldn’t be too personal over electromagnetic frequencies. Though my personality is introverted, social contact is still a significant factor for me to cope with all the relentless personal and social struggles.
Since I am an introvert, I keep and trust a few individuals only. But not seeing them for a while makes me feel alienated. Talking to them online doesn’t strengthen the connection. It just feels like interacting with strangers on Reddit or engaging with heated discussions with someone you just met on a comment box. Digital words don’t seem to have weight.
Now that we don’t see each other more often because of the pandemic that forced us to carry out the work from home setup, my anxiety surfaces again.
Travel eases my fears
I travel every now and then to compensate for the lost social contact and to spend time for my personal wellbeing and mental wellness. I also travel to suppress my anxiety. New culture, places, and experiences earn me new life lessons, which I could use to survive the upcoming strains.
Now that traveling is restricted, there is no other channel left for me to vent out.
Saying no is rarely an option
If you are not aware, I grow more fear as I gather more concerns and responsibilities. I tend to accept every assignment and request to prove my worth. I actually have no idea why I continue to do so. When they begin to pile up, even though they are still manageable, I start to feel uncomfortable.
I work on a clean and empty table, that is why, if I find that my plate is filled, my worries get agitated. With several other factors on the horizon as well as life uncertainties, everything goes beyond control. My anxiety attacks, and I have no support system to depend on. Moving within a restricted space is not helping at all.
Working with me becomes more difficult. I have a tendency to get easily frustrated and irritated.
Therefore, I will also take this opportunity to say sorry to all my workmates whom I offended and disappointed these past two months. I am sorry if my voice sounds mean to you. I am really sorry.
Depression, like anxiety, haunts me
I tried to stop thinking and watched things that are funny on the internet, but they were just temporary remedies. Also, watching inspirational videos only triggers unresolved emotional episodes. Hence, they bring more torment than solitude.
When I lie down at night to rest, a marquee of sad visions and life horrors roll like ghosts that haunt me in my nightmares.
Sleeping is difficult, but keeping sane is harder.